Past Regrets

i keep thinking about the past now, almost constantly.
ive really messed a lot of things up. ive made a lot
of mistakes. i wish my apologies werent so empty.
maybe they would have meant something if i didnt
spread them so thin... maybe they would have meant
something if they were wanted. i cringe at the thought
of how much some of you may hate me, or hate who
you think i am... and i cringe at the thought of how much
i deserve it; how much i would hate me too.

somehow i think that everything ive done over the past
two years wasnt totally in vain; ive seen and done some
amazing things that i wont soon forget, ive apparently
left something with most people that have crossed my
path as a certain few of them wouldnt be doing some
certain things had i not steered them in that direction...

but christ if i could twist the past two years back like
a record, how id play it different the next time...

im never going to have the power to change some
people's perception of me, and ill never have the power
to seperate the perception and the reality.

this is who i am.
im sorry i wasnt here then.
i wasnt myself then.
im me now.